Everything negative—pressure and challenges—is all an opportunity for me to rise.
-Kobe Bryant
Happy Friday, Sparkies!
Today, we have the absolute honor of welcoming back Heather Dean! Her first Spark, And More Uncomfortable Truths, is the top Spark of all time.
Heather shares the psychoanalytic process of dealing with negative thoughts by first acknowledging, then understanding, and finally reframing them. This process is a true game-changer and can help you become the master of your own mind!
Thank you so much, Heather, for adding incredible value to each post!
Flip The Script
by Heather Dean
As a psychoanalyst in private practice for over a decade, there are a few themes that I notice consistently arise with patients. People are riddled with self-criticism, and consumed with what they think of as ‘negative’ thoughts. Anger, sadness, fear, envy, and their cousins are in the mind causing suffering. The reframing of ‘negative’ feelings as a ‘challenging’ emotional experience, takes up a portion of treatment. The reframing of these ‘negative’ feelings, or experiences, might even be useful and may contribute to personal growth.
‘Negative’ emotions, traditionally seen as problematic, can now be understood as signals indicating underlying conflicts or unmet needs. Reframing these emotions involves shifting our perception from viewing them as mere disturbances to recognizing them as valuable sources of insight.
Reframing starts by acknowledging and validating these ‘negative’ emotions. Emotions like anger/ rage, sadness/ grief, anxiety, and frustration, often emanate from significant experiences or relationships. The trick is to explore these emotions, without judgment. This self-awareness is crucial because it allows individuals to identify patterns and triggers that may not be immediately obvious. For example, feelings of anger might be linked to a sense of injustice or unmet expectations, while sadness could indicate a sense of loss or unfulfilled desires.
‘Negative’ emotions serve to act as defenses. Once the origins and functions of ‘negative’ emotions are understood, the next step is to reframe them as opportunities for growth. For example, experiencing and processing grief after a loss can lead to greater emotional resilience and a deeper appreciation for life. Similarly, confronting and working through anger can improve assertiveness and boundary-setting skills.
A key aspect of this reframing process is developing a more compassionate and non-judgmental attitude toward oneself.
In practice, reframing negative emotions as useful and growth-promoting, involves continuous self-reflection and emotional regulation. There are techniques available that can help with this process, such as mindfulness, being non judgmental, and staying present with your emotions.
By understanding the origins and functions of these difficult emotions, adopting a compassionate and curious attitude, and utilizing therapeutic techniques, people can transform their ‘negative’, or challenging emotions into powerful tools for personal development.
Accepting your negative emotions, and questioning them, can be an opportunity to rise up, becoming the person we long to be.
Great post, Heather! Glad to see you've officially joined the Daily Spark fam. I so agree with everything you've laid out here. Repurposing negative thoughts and feelings into sources of motivation and empowerment is something all of us can do daily to self-improve.